I think that most people has left it behind, or in some undefined future because it is, actually, scary. I also think most people make peace with such decision. After all, not everybody afraid of them goes and search for spiders or snakes, do they now? So why should you go out and try to fall in love again? Is it not easier to leave it in the bag of nice memories, the ones that we contemplate once in a while, to be bagged again right after? Or in the fog of the things that we might start doing some day? It actually is, just simple. To fall in love requires effort, action, bravery and a reasonable dose of good luck. And then, there is the fear.
For example, the very justified fear of jealousy. All this people around you, the ones that you have invested so much love in, and the ones that have even reciprocate you in doing so. What about them? How would they take that you have added, or are about to add, yet another person? Is the new one as good as them? It gotta be better, because if not… why would you at all? Better!! really?? is this new love of you better than me, your good old friend?
And so forth and so forth and so forth. Ad nausea, one would say. We are ugly jealous beings, we humans.
But forget about your friends and loves. Think about yourself, for god’s sake! Are you really going to undress yourself -again!- to somebody else? It does not matter if it would take a night and a long conversation, or years of encounters here and there. You know that sooner or later, if you are in love, you will be naked. He or she will see you as you really are, your fears, your greatness, your weaknesses. Probably your dreams, certainly your failures, and perhaps some successes. All of it. And what if he does not approves? what if she thinks is not sufficient? or what if you are told that that cherished memory wasn’t such a great success after all? Naked you will be, and when naked we are fragile, vulnerable.
So then we walk around, or you walk around, carefully, not opening too much, not investing more than it should be. Keeping a safe distance, unafraid by having been scared away. Without suffering, without joy.
Loveless.